A Relationship Tip

Relationships can be complicated. This “Relationship Tip” is based on a simple premise. Any goal or gesture made without a a specific commitment or deadline is most times… meaningless. Before I go further, a little disclaimer. The picture above is of a man and a woman having coffee together. Maybe he’s tried to connect to an old girlfriend. Whatever. The message here is this tip applies to any relationship. Didn’t want to give you the wrong idea.

Consider this

How many times have you heard, “We have to get together sometime.” or “I’ll call you next week.” or “Let’s have lunch.” Commitments like these, though well intended, too many times…

never happen. Why? Because the commitments are open ended. Without definition. Without a specific date or time. In most cases, they just fade out into the ether…

How might you reply to each of the invites above?

Get together?

“When would you like to? Let’s pick a date.”

I’ll call you.

“Let me know when you’re going call. I wanna be available when you do.”

Lunch?

“Where? I’ll make a reservation.”

If they indicate they will call you later? Just say, “OK, I’ll wait to hear from you.”

It’s possible they do not intend commit to any of these. If they don’t reach out? Then, that is your answer.

A case in point

Meet Jerry. A great guy with a wonderful family and a successful career. One of the things he was most proud of is the church group he organized with ten other people. The subject matter varied from month-to-month. In the beginning, this worked well. But after a while it felt like the meetings were becoming stale. Have you ever had this happened to you?

Jerry thought about it and realized the discussions while active, nothing substantive came out of the discussions.

So, what did he suggest to the group? “Why don’t we take the last 5-10 minutes and summarize what we have discussed today. Let’s see if we can build on each session by identifying key things we covered. Make them actionable. Set deadlines for implementing.

What happened? The meetings became more substantive, enjoyable by simply setting deadlines for implementation? The meetings took on a new perspective. The value of attending increased.

In fact, new members joined when they heard what the group was doing. By clearly identifying the actionable, and by setting a deadline for when they would be completed, Jerry found that they could build on each session… at the same time create continuity between one meeting and another.

The message here? Open ended commitments can be annoying, empty. Even worse…they may leave you with a feeling of rejection.

A few questions for you…

·       How did it make you feel if someone refused to make a  commitment to a meeting or event you both agreed to?

·       How do you feel about the replies above? Were they too assertive, pushy?

·       What is the risk in your mind of replying in this manner?

·       What is the benefit?