Illusions…

Magicians are experts at the art of creating illusions. You may be too. With a friend, a person at work, your spouse. I certainly used to be… no more.”

Illusion” is defined as… something perceived, distorted in a way that is different from reality. We all create illusions. Usually negative. Most are figments of our imagination driven by fear of something unknown.

I once coached a gal named Beth who suffered from a very damaging illusion.When we started working together she tearfully shared, “My boss doesn’t like me. I think I’m going to get fired. “How do you know”, I asked? “He walks by me in the hall and doesn’t even speak.”I offered, “So, have you talked with him lately… at your initiative?Her sheepish reply, “Well, no.”Beth’s illusion? Built over months of fear of something… she perceived that probably wasn’t real. With some encouragement during our sessions, she summoned the courage to walk into her bosses office and let him know how she felt.”Beth, oh Beth I’m so sorry. I’ve had so much on my plate I’ve neglected you and others on our team. I want talk to you about an important new project I have in mind.” A so very common outcome.

The illusion “bubble” burst, Beth went back to her office and cried… and cried. So relieved. Lesson learned. Onward!

We all have done the Beth thing. You see…the most difficult risk to take in life isn’t financial, or physical. It’s emotional. Confronting emotional, personal differences you might have with another is tough to do. But what happens when we don’t confront them? We create mental pictures of something we have never verified that can begin a dangerous cycle. I call it the “emotional spiral.” You think about something unreal and it hits you in the gut… a physical response that generates more negative thought. Returning to cause more gut reaction. On and on. The “spiral”. From thought to gut… absent of reality.

A damaging bubble of negative perception that can cause you to elude the truth. Even make you sick.My coaching point here… always. Face those fears. Nip negative illusions in the bud. Stop being victim to illusions that can, well, drive you nuts. Ask the source of your anxiety, “Hey can you help me with something? (permission… always important to ask first). I’ve been feeling lately that … ” You get the picture. You spend little or no time addressing an illusion, but think about it 80% of the time… maybe more. Right? Driven by the “emotional spiral”.My motto? If faced with a decision to be open or closed about a thought or feeling you may have? Always err on the side of openness.

To build trust… you need to make yourself vulnerable.mAn illusion provides you with a great opportunity to do so.

Illusion… something perceived, distorted in a way that is different from reality. Address it now. What will you discover?80% of the time you will end up like Beth.

20% of the time you will uncover an issue between you and another and in almost all cases… repair the breach… move on exhilarated by the healing conversation.Oh, yeah. I have to have lunch with my youngest daughter, Sam. I have an illusion building with her that needs attention. Began yesterday during a family visit. No hesitation. I don’t let illusions grip me… anymore.