The “Mangy Dog” Chronicles

May 21-25, 2018

Have you ever had one of those magical weeks? You know six or seven days in a row when everything just clicks? I have. My last one was just last week.

Where do I start … A warning. This post may resemble War and Peace before it’s done, so buckle up. Capturing, writing about moments, experiences like these embraces all the remembrances, the highlights that will be revisited for years to come… This is mainly for Gary, Tommy and me. Sharing it here for those with stamina enough to work your way through it.

Every year I take two guys to Philadelphia to play golf. Typically at the #1 golf Mecca in the golf world Pine Valley, in Clementon, NJ. This year we would play PV twice, Philadelphia Cricket Club, another top 50 in America. And lastly Gulph Mills. a hidden gem outside Philadelphia. Each so special unto themselves. I invited Gary Lane and Tommy Beman to be my guests. Gary, the “Mangy Dog” (about his game … mostly) aka “MP.” Tommy a 3 handicap (great player and better guy). Gary’s been my great friend for years. After last week Tommy and I will be wonderful friends from this day forward too. Me? The second “Mangy Dog” (about my game … mostly).

The “Mangy Dog” … our constant refrain the whole week. Thus the title of this Blog post.

Landed in Philly on Monday morning. Our first stop. 3rd and Federal St. in South Philly. A “5 Star” condo advertised as a wonderful, full service residence owned by a guy named Kevin. Gary had arranged our home base for the week. We pulled up in our huge Infinity SUV. As we walked in… Gary breathlessly uttered, “Gee Guys, this looks really nice.” Exactly what John McCain said when he first saw his cell at the Hanoi Hilton. I won’t describe the place. But the regional headquarters for MS13 being next door might have been a tip off.

So let’s just say it was the only aspect of our trip that wasn’t quite 5 Star. Oh, forgot … Gary managed to drive us from PA to NJ … and back to PA in 8 minutes… cruising over the Walt Whitman Bridge. A record! Only “wrinkle” our Uber driver Gary suffered all week!

One other thing about “Hanoi.” A sign on the wall as we walked in, “Please take your shoes off.” Ok. Like you do when you enter a mosque? Maybe not. More about developing scurvy on the bottoms of your feet walking the place. Need I say more? A first source of the continuous hilarity that fueled our entire time together.

First event? Lunch at the famous “Geno’s Steaks.” A legendary cheesesteak place not far from our “condo.” We split a 12 incher between us followed quickly by, “Mam? Is there a rest room nearby!!”

Lunch was followed by a visit to the storied Barnes Museum. 120 Renoirs; Picassos, works by Matisse, Van Goghs … get the “picture”? Fabulous. I’d visited the Barnes twice before. I’d marveled at the art and wonderful audio headphones that guided me through this masterful collection. When we arrived? The art was all still there, but no headphones! Simply a brochure in each of many rooms that gave you the name of each piece and the artist. DO NOT REMOVE on each. That’s all. I tried to leave the place with six of these under my arm. “Excuse me sir… we will sell you those in our gift shop.” Sweet!

So we artfully stared at each painting without the earphones? Well let’s just say this was comparable to our reading the Koran. Blank stares. The paintings were pretty, but we had had no what was going on before our eyes.

So what do guys do when they run into a snag. Well, we approached a very nice lady volunteer who must have put her lipstick on that morning with a mop. Covered her entire mouth and lower nose. A big smudge on her far head to top it off. “What happened to the headphones?” “Oh, the board wants each ‘patron’ to experience the collection and absorb the art … on there own.” Ok… kinda like the way I absorbed Organic Chemistry in college. No clue.

Time for a chuckle then… what else. We spotted a masterpiece of an old guy with his digital buried deep in his right nostril. Renoir I think. Right there. Digging for gold. We affectionately named him “Booger.” Absolutely in stitches, we got some awful looks from the other “patrons.” Across from the “digger” was a portrait of a lady. A sourer puss on a woman you’ll never see. Remember Ruth Buzzi on “Laugh In”? Obviously… we concluded. She must have just learned she has a blind date with “Booger.” 😂

So much for the art appreciation at the Barnes. After a cocktail at home we drove Monday night to Bryn Mawr to dine with my brother and sister. Fun. I was glad Gary and Tommy could meet them. But for the asshole brats on the Haverford School volley ball team yelling behind us? This went great. Ok food, great fun.

Back at the “Hilton” we pleasured ourselves with a viewing of “Ace Ventura, Pet Detective” (Jim Carey’s ridiculous!)… along with some old Chris Farley videos. 😂😂

Tuesday morning? Off to Pine Valley. On the way a stop for breakfast. Me, “Hey, there’s a Mc Donald’s!” Tommy replies, “No, I see a Denny’s down the road.” Gary, “Where. I don’t see one.” Literally far on the horizon … a Denny’s sign the size of a gnat at a hundred yards. How in the world could Tommy see it. We went there. I was learning Beman was a pretty meticulous person. Maybe even OC. Remembered he had spotted a very small spot on the cuff of my pants as we waited for our flight Monday. “Maybe you should get those dry cleaned before we take off, Bob.” “Bob, you missed a belt loop.” My sympathies to his wife, Karen.

The real joy I get from these trips is watching my guests witness the total experience of playing Pine Valley. Gary has been my only repeat guest there. A great salesman… obviously, to pull this off. Tommy was the most appreciative, knowledgeable visitor yet. Not only a great player but a devotee. Someone steeped in the lore and history of the game. I had invited Tommy three months prior to our trip. Tommy, you’re going to Pine Valley. “Bob, every day until we leave. Tommy would soon learn. PV is known as … “A beautiful beast, rarely tamed.”

Prior to our first round at PV, lunch with John Davison (The Derm) fraternity brother and long time friend. After lunch (highlighted by PVs famous snapper soup) we played 18. 9 in the rain. Tommy shot 75. Gary and me? Well let’s just say we each had a few more strokes than Tommy. Derm? A tiny sign on #1… NO MULLIGANS. Screw that. Derm popped a second. Put his membership on the line by doing so… took a wee next to the practice green. Might be an opening in the membership soon.

Toured the place before and after our round. I’ve always told my guests, “The golf will be down the list of the things you’ll remember.” The clubhouse is beautifully understated. The service and culture at PV are distinctive. Todd the caddie master. Been there 20 years since the age of 14 when he started as a caddy himself. Sly the bartender… 37 years. My friend Matt in the pro shop. Time there? Only a few years, but he was just exceptional as are all the people who make up this incredible team. John “Heyyyy Bob!!” “Heyyy Gary!!” John Bannon from Greenwich. He had lured a couple more “pigeons” to PV to suck millions from their coffers. John the investment guy. What a character! And of course there’s my friend and our host Hugh Kenworthy. 50 years a member. He told us lots about the members we met. But I’m always most impressed what the members have to say about him. Quite a guy.

• Our rooms at the Lodge… the showers.

• Tommy’s view of #5 from his room.

• That Pro Shop

• The practice facility

• The locker room

• Buddy Marruci

• The graciousness of it all

Dinner that night went until 11pm. Cocktails, stories, wine, laughs, more wine, more stories. “Swish it around… Swish it around” (private joke). Could have stayed there all night. But we had our second round at 8am or so the next morning. A seven mile (14K step) walk up and down on sand, rock … and occasionally green grass when Gary and I occasionally found a fairway.

The next day? Off to Philly Cricket … the highlights:

• Drove by my old prep school Penn Charter on the way.

• Hosted by my dear friend Dave Montgomery, long time President now Chairman of the Philadelphia Phillies. Monty had contracted jaw cancer three years ago. Clean for three years, the cancer had returned. So with double vision, a black patch on his left eye… weight loss of many pounds He played 18 with us. Finished every hole and recorded a score whether it be 6 or a 12.

• The golf? We’ll get this. On #18 our host drops a 50ft downhill chip to end our round. All you have to know.

• The beauty and originality of the club house are vivid in my memory. Eric the club manager. Jimmy Smith one of the great pros there. All the members who stoppedto say hi to Monty. A few even ran over from adjacent fairways to share a few words with this legendary guy

• Lunch on the patio and we said farewell… the “snapper?” Eh… not quite PV quality.

• Just hope I get to see my dear friend again.

Friday … Gulph Mills CC and Peter Miller. Another great fraternity brother. Rodney Dangerfield’s protege. One more super host. A stinkin’ riot! Peter has overcome practically every illness, malady known to man. On his colostomy… “Bricks, nobody can call me an asshole because I don’t have one!” 😂

On how he was four years behind me in college, but only two years younger…“My father made me skip the eight grade because I didn’t have any hair on my balls.” 😂 Highlights:

• Gulph Mills… just a third spectacular venue.

• Again the stories and jokes were endless.

• Peter had to reinvent his golf swing due to his health issues. Wow! A trooper like this guy God will never duplicate.

• My last shot of the week? An impossible “devils asshole” like escape from a deep pot bunker on 18. Erased a lot of other less pleasant memories I assure you.

• The austere and I do mean austere locker room.

• The friendliness of the place despite the blue blood, Main Line “nose in the air” membership. (I grew up with this for 35 yrs!)

So there you have it. This “Mangy Dog” treatise has chronicled the events and amazing moments of one magical week. With Gary, Tommy, Derm, Hugh, Dave and Peter … and all the others who made it so.

Certainly one of the best, most memorable I can remember. In the final resolve, it’s all about the relationships. Relationships and love for each other… and all those who bless you along the way.

With some of the most beautiful venues in America stored in our memories … these and more to come will always be second to the fun and wonder of lasting friendships.

Thanks guys… for this miracle week. But mostly for your love, fun and companionship.