Transitions >>>
Life is about movement… moving is essential to health, well being. We live in “Now” and “Next.” All we have in a given moment.
But transition. Moving from one phase of life to another is always challenging. From college to that first job; marriage; divorce, … “retirement” (a myth as I’ve offered before). Many more.In my coaching career I’ve worked with many facing transition. In most cases these engagements have involved moving from a busy, active life to something new. Still busy. Just different.Transitions … all of them are tricky. Achieving clarity is usually evasive. What happens? There are gains when one transitions. There are losses. All felt, experienced during transition. These need to be identified … clarified. Some are black and white, others hazy, unknown. “What might I gain? What might I lose? If I truly decide to change. Clarity is where one needs to begin. Decisions made too early, hastily are most times flawed. Most faced with transition want to just fix it, just move on. After all that’s what we’ve always done, right? Got a problem? Go fix it. Move on. Be careful.Life’s transitions are different … oh so very different. Begin with the questions. It’s been said when approaching any big decision you should spend 80% of your time identifying the key questions; 20% determining the solution.Take your time. A clear head will not surface for awhile. (It took me a full year to recover from a downsizing in 1996)Communicate. Talk to family members, friends, former business colleagues… even clients. “Who am I in your eyes.” Yes, who are you? You must discover, actually uncover who you are now. As a new phase of life emerges, it’s a good time to clarify who, where you are.
Above all don’t react. Short term decisions don’t always make long term sense.Acknowledge this is a crucial time to picture, design a next version of you. Who you will be in this next phase of your life. What will you want to be remembered for? What will your legacy be?Listed below are some key questions to ponder:Find quiet time with yourself. A third party … coach, counselor. Even a psychiatrist can be extremely beneficial even defining as this process unfolds.Write down all your takeaways, however random they may be. View this process like putting a large puzzle together. Pouring all the pieces out on the table before trying to assemble them. I call this your “vomit” memo.Questions:
-
You need to celebrate with gratitude all the wonderful accomplishments, experiences you’ve enjoyed. The relationships … most of all. What is the content? When were times you were most happy? Sad. Write it all down… a stream of consciousness.
-
Ask four of five people in your life you trust most … who will be totally honest with you. “Tell me the things that you see in me that work well. Tell me the things that don’t.” (This exercise will be exceptionally revealing.)
-
The grieving process. You will not avoid this. All transitions need to be grieved. Shock… Denial… Anger… Bargaining… Depression… Acceptance. Stages here will be more subtle. Less dramatic than a death or casualty. Along the way, step back. Where are you? What grieving stage might you be in?
-
What are the principles and values you hold dear? Pick three. These should be immutable truths that you have lived by. They will help guide you as you navigate the transition ahead.
-
What will my “future self” look like? Describe the ideal you. “How would I like to be different?” (I have a wonderful exercise here. For another time)
-
What are key relationships you need to nurture, deepen? Strong relationships more than anything else will ease the challenges. Nourish what’s ahead.
-
What activities, accomplishments have given you the most joy? That you want to continue, do more of?
The questions get you started. Give you the raw material for building the new you. Transition. Takes some courage, some steadfastness, above all … Execution. One last thing to acknowledge …Solutions? They will be custom. Each of us is a “thumbprint” … each of us is totally unique. Accordingly, moving forward will take us on our own path. Guided by what’s uncovered addressing the questions above and more. And lastly observe this …There’s a reason why the windshield is ten times larger than the rear view mirror.