May 21-25, 2018

Have you ever had one of those magical weeks? You know six or seven days in a row when everything just clicks? Like last week.

Where do I start … a warning. This post may be War and Peace length before it’s done, so buckle up. Moments, experiences like these the will be revisited for years to come… I dedicate this to my buddies Gary and Tommy. My travel companions during this unforgettable “voyage.”

Every year I take two guys up north to play golf. Typically at the #1 golf Mecca in the golf world, Pine Valley, in Clementon, NJ. This year we would play PV twice, Philadelphia Cricket Club, a top 50 in America. And lastly Gulph Mills. a hidden gem outside Philadelphia. Each special unto themselves. I invited Gary and Tommy to be my guests. Gary, the “Mangy Dog” (about his game … mostly.) Tommy a 3 handicap (great player and better guy). Gary’s been my great friend for years. After last week? Tommy and I will be wonderful friends from this day forward.

The “Mangy Dog” … our constant refrain the whole week. Thus the title of this Blog post.

Landed in Philly on Monday morning. Our first stop. 3rd and Federal St. in South Philly. A “5 Star” condo advertised as a wonderful, full service residence owned by a guy named Kevin. Gary excitedly had arranged this as our home base for the week. We pulled up in our huge Infinity SUV. As we walked in… Gary breathlessly uttered, “Gee Guys, this looks really nice.” Yep! Exactly what John McCain said when he first saw his cell at the Hanoi Hilton. I won’t describe the place. But the regional headquarters for MS13 next door to us might have been a tip off.

Thankfully this was the only aspect of our trip that wasn’t 5 Star. Oh, forgot. One 1Star move. Gary managed to drive us from PA to NJ … and back to PA … cruising over the Walt Whitman Bridge, I think 3 times! A record! Only “wrinkle” we suffered all week!

One other thing about “Hanoi.” A sign on the wall as we walked in, “Please take your shoes off.” Ok. Like you do when you enter a mosque? Ah no. Kevin was just a germaphobic dope. (5 Star remember?) A first source of all the hilarity that fueled the entire week.

First event? Lunch at the famous “Geno’s Steaks.” A legendary cheesesteak place not far from “Hanoi.” We split a greasy 12 incher between us followed quickly by, “Man, Opps! Is there a rest room nearby!!”

After lunch, it was off to the storied Barnes Museum. Renoir’s; Picassos; works by Matisse, Van Gogh … get the picture? Fabulous. I’d visited the Barnes before. and marveled at the art and wonderful audio headphones that guided me through this masterful collection. When we arrived? The art was all still there, but no headphones! Simply a brochure in each of many rooms giving you the name of each piece and the artist. “DO NOT REMOVE” on each brochure. That’s all. I tried to leave the place with six of these under my arm. Stopped by an armed guard, “Excuse me sir… we will sell you those in our gift shop.” Nice goin, Bob!

So we strolled through the Barnes artfully staring blankly at each masterpiece painting without earphones? Well let’s just say this was comparable to our trying to read the Koran. The paintings were pretty, but we had had no idea what was going on before our eyes.

What do guys do when they run into a snag? Well, we approached a very nice lady volunteer who must have put her lipstick on that morning with a mop. Powder, lipstick and mascara covered her entire mouth and lower nose. A big smudge on her far head to top it off. “What happened to the headphones?”, we asked. “Oh, the board wants each ‘patron’ to fully experience the collection and absorb the art … on their own.” Ok… kinda like the way I absorbed Organic Chemistry in college. No clue.

Time for a chuckle then… what else. We spotted a Renoir of an old guy with his digital finger buried six inches into his right nostril. Right there. Digging for gold. We affectionately named this guy “Booger.” Absolutely in stitches, we got some awful looks from the other “patrons.” Across from the Booger was a portrait of a lady. A sourer puss on a woman you’ll never see. Remember Ruth Buzzi on “Laugh In”? She must have just learned she had a blind date with “Booger.” 😂

So much for the art appreciation at the Barnes. After a cocktail at home we drove Monday night to Bryn Mawr to dine with my brother and sister. Fun. I was glad Gary and Tommy could meet them. But for the asshole brats on the Haverford School volley ball team yelling behind us, at restaurant, this went great. Ok food, great fun.

Back at the “Hanoi” we pleasured ourselves with a viewing of “Ace Ventura, Pet Detective” (Jim Carey’s ridiculous!)… along with some old Chris Farley videos. 😂😂 Completely juvenile! But so appropriate

Tuesday morning? Off to Pine Valley. On the way a stop for breakfast. Me, “Hey, there’s a Mc Donald’s!” Tommy replies, “No, I see a Denny’s down the road.” Gary squinted, “Where. I don’t see one.” Literally far on the horizon … a Denny’s sign the size of a gnat at a hundred yards. How in the world could Tommy see it? We went there. I was learning Beman was a pretty meticulous guy. Perfectionist maybe? Recalled he had spotted a very small spot on the cuff of my pants as we waited for our flight to Philly on Monday. “Maybe you should get those dry cleaned before we take off, Bob.” “Bob, you missed a belt loop.” Right! Get the picture? My sympathies to Tommy’s wife, Karen.

The real joy I get from these trips is watching my guests witness the experience of playing golf at Pine Valley. Gary has been my only repeat guest there. Tommy was the most appreciative, knowledgeable visitor yet. Not only a great player, but a devotee of the game. Someone steeped in the lore and history of golf. I had invited Tommy three months prior to our trip. “Tommy, you’re going to Pine Valley.” His reply, “Bob, I’m speechless.” Tommy would soon learn, PV is known as … “A beautiful beast, rarely tamed.”

Prior to our first round there, lunch with John Davison (The Derm) fraternity brother and long time friend. After lunch (highlighted by PVs famous snapper soup) we played 18. 9 in the rain. Tommy shot 75. Gary and me? Well, let’s just say we “crapped the bed.” Didn’t care. Derm? Despite a tiny sign on #1… NO MULLIGANS. (So Pine Valley) Screw that. Derm popped a second. Put his membership on the line by doing so. Then he waltzed took a wee next to the practice green. Might be an opening in the membership soon.

Toured the place before and after our round. I’ve always told my guests, “The golf will be down the list of the things you’ll remember.” The clubhouse is beautifully understated. The service and culture at PV are without parallel. Todd the caddie master. Been there 20 years since the age of 14 when he started in the locker room. Sly the bartender… 37 years. My friend Matt in the pro shop. Time there? Only a few years, but he was just exceptional as are all the people who make up this incredible team. John Bannon from Greenwich. “Heyyyy Bob!!” “Heyyyy Gary!!” John was an investment guy. He had lured a couple “pigeons”… clients to PV to suck millions from their coffers. He did. What a character! And of course there’s my friend and our host Hugh Kenworthy. A 50 year+ member. He told us lots about the all members we met. But I’m always most impressed what the members have to say about him. Quite a guy.

A few highlights:

• Our rooms at the Lodge… the showers.

• Tommy’s view of #5 from his room.

• That Pro Shop

• The practice facility

• The locker room

• Buddy Marruci

• John Arthur Brown Room

• The graciousness of it all

Dinner that night went until 11pm. Cocktails, stories, wine, laughs, more wine, more stories. “Swish it around… Swish it around” 😂‼️(private joke). Could have stayed there all night. But our second round was at 8am the next morning. A seven mile (14K step) walk up and down on sand, rock … and occasionally green grass. If Gary and I occasionally found a fairway.

What can you say about Pine Vally that’s not already been said. If you’re a golfer, this is the Mecca? If you’re a connoisseur of fine dining and elegant service? You may walk around this place eyes wide, short of breath while there. Our thanks to Hugh and John seemed very inadequate. But what thrills always.

The next day? Off to Philly Cricket … the highlights:

• Drove by my old prep school Penn Charter on the way. The guys wanted to get a glimpse of the place.

• We were hosted by my dear friend Dave Montgomery, long time President now Chairman of the Philadelphia Phillies. Monty had contracted jaw cancer three years ago. Clean for three years, his cancer had returned. Despite double vision, a black patch on his left eye… weight loss of many pounds, Monty played 18 with us. Finished every hole and recorded every score whether it be 6 or a 12.

• The golf? We’ll get this. On #18 our host drops a 40ft downhill chip to end our round. Turn out this would be my final memory of him. Monty died a month later.

• The beauty and originality of the club house are vivid in my memory. Eric the club manager. Jimmy Smith one of the great pros there. All the members who stoppedto say hi to Monty. A few even ran over from adjacent fairways to share a few words, shake hands with this legendary guy

• Lunch on the patio and we said farewell… the “snapper?” Eh… not quite PV quality.

• I’ll get to see my dear friend again someday I know

Friday … Gulph Mills CC and Peter Miller. Another great fraternity brother. Rodney Dangerfield’s protege. One more super host. A stinkin’ riot! Peter has overcome practically every illness, malady known to man. On his colostomy… “Bricks, nobody can call me an asshole because I don’t have one!” 😂

On how he was three years behind me in college, but only two years younger…“Bricks, my father made me skip the eight grade because I didn’t have any hair on my balls.” 😂 Highlights:

• Gulph Mills… just a third spectacular venue.

• Again the stories and jokes were endless.

• Peter had to reinvent his golf swing due to his health issues. Wow! A trooper like this guy God will never duplicate.

• My last shot of the week? An impossible “devils asshole” like escape from a deep pot bunker on 18. Erased a lot of other less pleasant memories I assure you.

• The austere and I do mean austere locker room.

• The friendliness of the place despite the blue blood, Main Line “nose in the air” membership. (I grew up with this attitude for 35 yrs!)

So there you have it. This “Mangy Dog” treatise has chronicled the events and amazing moments of one magical week. With Gary, Tommy, Derm, Hugh, Dave and Peter … and all the others who made it so memorable. Oh, and a special thanks to “Hanoi Kevin” … Booger … the “Mop Lady … and of course John (Heeeey Gary, too!

Certainly one of the best, most fun times I can remember. In the final resolve, it’s all about the relationships. Relationships and love for each other… and all those who bless you along the way.

With some of the most beautiful venues in America stored in our memories … these and more to come.

Thanks guys… for this miracle week. But mostly for your love, fun and friendship.