“Mighty oaks from little acorns grow.” … right?

I left my home of thirty six years, Philadelphia in 1981 to take on the task of rebuilding a struggling business in Hartford CT. Just before my departure, two of the salespeople I’d coached there took me to lunch and gave me a small pouch with a single acorn inside it. I remember Harry Tyler’s words then …

“Bob, as you embark on your journey … here’s an acorn, just one, that when planted and cared for will yield a mighty oak. All the best in Hartford.”

I carried that pouch with me to CT and kept it for the nine years I was there. I then took it with me when I was sent to Atlanta in 1990 to rebuild another struggling business.  Don’t have it any longer. But this morning that acorn flashed into my mind, like one of those frequent “firefly” ideas that come to me often. Why?

I thought … this acorn illustrates an undeniable, consistent truth resident in every coaching relationship I’ve ever been engaged in. Over almost five decades.

Let me explain. Here are two stories …

Many years ago, Nancy the kids and I went to Bermuda for vacation. Wondrous experience. One night on a patio overlooking the glorious Atlantic Ocean, I looked to my right and a saw a distinguished looking, elderly gentleman sitting in a chair by himself. Double breasted, beautiful blazer … flowing white hair, an ascot. His soft gaze looking out over the water. I was drawn to him and walked over. We exchanged no words. He simply turned to me and said, “Young man, I have traveled the world. Visited forty countries. Only to return here … return here to Bermuda.”

His Bermuda. He arrived at this place that in ways defined him. Something that spoke clearly to him. “Bermuda is central to who I am.”

Second story. I had lunch a few weeks ago with the gifted rector of the Episcopal church Nancy and I attend. He has a big job leading our church. Interestingly during lunch, we ended up talking about time he spent in India while in his twenties. Living on the meager sum of about $80 a month.

(The following details of what he told me are inaccurate here. But I offer this)

Our rector is now 49. He described to me a number of young children he’d mentored, cared during his time in India. He’d taken a sabbatical from the church this past summer and decided to return to visit with his family. Some twenty-five or so years after his first visit. There to greet him were some of the children he’d been with then. They were now young adults. Delighted, they greeted him and his family warmly. Maybe most notable though? When he departed with his family, those he had been with. Then young children; now young adults? They teared, some cried as he left. Taken back by this, my friend realized he’d had in impact on them he never imagined.

After relating this experience, he turned to me and said this,

“Bob, with all my academic credentials (Oxford, Harvard) and the experiences I’ve had as an Episcopal priest? The most generous, the most I’ve ever given of myself was during the time I spent in India. In many ways today, India is central to who I am.”

Like the gentleman in Bermuda.

This place spoke clearly to him. India was central to he was. In ways defined him.

Once he shared his India experience with me, he asked, “Bob, what would you say is your “India.” How do you think it might better define you?”

Of course, I always think I’m coaching. After all, I’m the coach, right? Not used to having the tables turned on me. But a wonderful conversation ensued. As we probed it became evident that a defining experience for me was in 1997. This wasn’t Bermuda or India. Quite the opposite. A hurtful experience, not pleasurable at all. I was let go in Boston by the company I had been with for twenty years. A painful experience. But defining? Like Bermuda, India? Absolutely. Lost at the time I was forced to reinvent myself. Find new purpose. I found myself in my mission … “helping people grow.” My passion. Indeed, this was my “Bermuda” … my “India.” 

This revelation together with my encounters with two very wise, learned, gentlemen? Even though time between events spanned thirty years. Amazingly today? All three are still so clear, clarifying for me. Thinking back on my career as a manager, consultant, and coach, Uncovering the issues in people that retard, slow … even block one’s ability to grow. Facing family issues, business challenges, interpersonal conflict. In many cases people unwilling to look closely for the real reasons why growth is such a struggle.

But what I think I’ve included is this …

Despite all the challenges … there is a simple centrality in all of this. An immutable aspect of each of us resides in our hearts throughout our lifetimes. Your “Bermuda;” your “India.” And yes, my “Boston” too. That core part of you. An experience you’ve had that impacts you in unexpected ways. Leads you to learn more clearly who you truly are. Like the acorn above. That part of you that “is,” always has been you. When this becomes your focus? You’ll feel more aligned. More in harmony in all you do.

I encourage you to conduct your own search. May take time. But if you believe as I do that we are all called to serve … live our purpose. Whether it’s finding that special place where you felt your arrived. Or a memorable experience that has helped you uncover the essence of you? It will be so worth it.