When we moved to CT, we bought our dream home. A realtor “friend” of ours came to visit one day. “Oh, what a beautiful ‘starter’ home you have here.”

I thought, “Guess we better not unpack if our new home is only getting us started.”

The other day I was telling another “friend” about a trip we’d just taken to see the Grand Canyon. Making little eye contact, my friend without a comment or a question … immediately blithered, “Oh, let me tell you about my trip to Paris.”

These are what I call “Toppers.” You know … “I just love your new Honda! It even has some of the features I have on my Porsche.” Essentially those “Mine’s bigger than yours.” moments that just want to make you puke.

But here’s the trick. I’ve met with some of the greatest “bloviators” of all time. You know … big buck guys. Maybe a few homes here and there. A trophy wife on his arm. Sometimes a girlfriend on the other. Always lathered in excess. Cars, jewels, all kinds of “look at me” stuff. 

Usually the first time we meet? A tour of their home. Chatter about the stock market. Twenty minutes about their next trip. Or a recounting of their last one. About 45 minutes of, we’ll?… I wouldn’t exactly call this conversation. 95% of the talk being his. 5% being mine. This is when my mindless head nodding goes a long way. This more engaged “torture” is known as the “Tsunami” topper. A relentless onslaught, gushing of “I’m better than yous” that will drown you if you let it.

But there’s an antidote to either the brief topper, like “Paris.” Or the “tsunami” version above. Simply give your “topping” friend what I call, the “Cigar Store Indian” response. Put a very subtle disinterested, immutable smirk on you face. Try not to blink an eye. And above all … show no emotion. No “Wows” … no deep breathes. Absolutely no indication that what you are being told, what you’re seeing makes any impression on you at all.

In essence let your egomaniacal friend burn himself out trying to impress you. Getting you to validate his existence. I’ve had to do this a lot. A bit passive aggressive on my part, but such a relief to. Tends to slow the flow of BS. Allow me to take a breath or two as I lean against the tide of self absorption.

Think I have an issue here? Of course I do. But thanks for listening.

But maybe the “Cigar …” response may help you some day when a “Topper” comes your way.