Here’s a short piece that I think can make a difference …
Full disclosure her. I live in Atlanta. But I grew up in Philadelphia. On the Main Line. The bastion of debutante, cocktail parties, people who live very active social lives. Maybe too social. I have a bias. I love authentic people. You know. No facade. No BS. What you see is what you get. Remember many of my Philadelphia acquaintances who were … well as I remember them? Just a bit less authentic.

Let me illustrate. Conversations where I grew up might many times would go something like this. He would ask me, “How are you?” (Checking his phone’’; head down) I would learn over time this question was more a segue to his talking about himself. No interest in my answer to his question. This was, and still is bothersome for me. Of course I know you’ve been there too.

I had an interaction with one of these guys recently. He passively asked, “Hey, how are you?” I replied, “Lost my dog yesterday.” Not true but his reply? “Good to hear.” Oblivious.

Every once in awhile though, I’d run into, enjoy this. After opening a chat with, “How are you?” It would go something like this. First, “How are you?” (Eye contact. A pause. Head up. Ears obviously open.) My normal reply, “Fine.” And then, here it is. The “second question.” … “That’s great to hear.. How come?” How come “Tell me more.” He’d really, genuinely like to know. Simple … so simple. So good.

Life is short. Give me one nourishing relationship for ten that drain me. Give me one interaction when someone asks the “second question” … “Tell me more.”

It’s amazing what you can learn if you simply pause in conversation and ask “the second question.” And then have the person you’re talking to ask you one. And so on. You come away feeling you were actually heard. And made the other person feel he or she was heard too.

You get it. The next time you open conversation with someone. Be conscious that asking the “second question.” Shows you care. Makes life so much more satisfying. Interesting.