Memories… memorable things. Gifts? Money? Autos you’ve owned? Ok. You can search your memory for these. Retrieve them after some thought.

But then there are thoughts you won’t have to reach for… remembering all the experiences you’ve had in life that have in many ways shaped you, defined you.

Let me illustrate the value of an experience.

If coffee beans in Brazil cost $2 a pound… 

But a cup of coffee on the Ponte Vecchio in Italy costs $20? 

What’s the difference? It’s all about the experience.

I have a great guy I’ve coached for three years. He runs a successful business. Has a great marriage. One son. We had a session yesterday. He showed me a video of him skiing in Telluride. Looked pretty good. But wait! There! Just behind him was his son, age 5. Skiing like he’d been on the slopes for years. Ha! How about that.

I remember when my coachie’s kid was three. The Atlanta Braves were in the World Series against the Houston Astros. And who was in the stands for a game? My guy and his son. Pretty cool. No actually? Very cool! Because the game was away in Houston! My guy had taken his three-year-old son from Atlanta to see a World Series Game… in Houston. Because even at his young age, his dad wanted him to have the experience.

The skiing video opened a conversation between us about experiences. How invaluable they are. Why. We talked about widening perspective. About character development. How experiencing opens one to new possibilities. Stimulates curiosity…

“I wonder what it would be like to do that, go there, reach for new things that are fun, adventurous.” Experiences. Absolutely a great to raise a child. Through shared experiences.

Maybe you’ve heard of the “Experience Economy.” Designing goods and services emphasizing the effect they can have on people’s lives. Of course this moved me to think about “experience parenting.” Knowing that all the toys, the “shiny” stuff. Things. Really don’t define one’s relationship with a child. Won’t have any lasting impact on their lives. The experiences you share together will.

Back to my coachie. He’s always very upbeat when we meet. Sometimes I wonder why we’ve met for so long. I did ask him yesterday how he always arrived to see me, so positive, so energized. The impact of an experience of his immediately jumped to the fore. Was the reason for his positivity.

“Pretty simple, he said. “My fighting and winning over cancer. I was 28. Chemo for six months. Surgery that I was told had three possible outcomes. None good. But here I am.”

That experience had changed my friend. It was the first time in three years I’d seen him tear, cry. I could not help but join him.

“All the ‘stuff’ I have to deal with today. It’s just that… just ‘stuff.’” As our session ended I felt inspired. Here was a guy who saw his cancer as a huge challenge. But as a gift to be embraced too. A gift that allows him not to take himself or what is thrown at him every day too seriously.

A gift that gives him the perspective, less emotional strain to take more time to think about his next experience with his son. Where they will go, what they’ll do next. I’m sure it will be special.

How wonderful.