I reconnected with my coach yesterday. He’s always got something new or something we return to that has added impact on my personal growth.
He asked me this question. “Bob, what is the one thing we most crave in life.” I fumbled through. Success? Joy? Appreciation from others; respect?”

He replied, “Well, those things may bring it to you. But they are not the one thing we crave above all else. It’s no secret … that one thing is … Intimacy.

Typical guy thing, I immediately went to images of sex. “Yes, sex can be intimate” he said. “It is one of God’s greatest gifts. But this is not my message here.” Coach continued. “Intimacy can be found, experienced so many unexpected, less obvious places. God intended this to be so.

Think of a time a loved one has looked into your eyes and spontaneously told you, “I love you.” … Or when a dear friend reaches out to you for help. And your interaction closes with a deep and lasting hug. Or when you awaken in the morning at a favorite place. An ocean view. Overlooking s mountain range. Or simply walking through a forest. These too are/can be intimate experiences, if you choose to accept them, see them as so. In the book I’m writing, I refer to these subtle flashes of awareness as “fireflies.” Here for a moment, but fleeting. Reach out. Capture them before they’re gone.

I attend a restaurant regularly. A favorite waiter of mine came to my table the other day. He’s from Haiti. A magnificent young man. “Bobby, your birthday is tomorrow, and I want you to have this.” He reached into a small bag and pulled out an onyx pyramid with gold glittering shavings inside. “Bobby, you have been so kind to me, I wanted you to give you this symbol that according to Voudon doctrine is the source of eternal energy.” We both teared as he left the table. This had been an intimate moment for me… and him too. Not necessarily grand. But without question… intimate.

My mother died eight years ago. Sometimes I’ll sit quietly in the morning. Try to return to the deep, loving feelings I had for her. I’ll peer out a window, and suddenly see a red cardinal perched on a small branch. We don’t have many cardinals where I live. It seems to be looking at me. Even smiling a little? I warm. Could this be mom’s spirit somehow trying to reach out to me? Intimacy felt here for sure. I’ll bet you’ve had a similar experience. Some of you have told me so.

What I’ve learned over the years I’ve been coached… joy is certainly fueled by the grand times we experience intimacy. But in truth it’s the less grand, less noticeable moments when we are touched that can get us through an exhausting day or a challenging time. They can be small refreshers, reminders that our plight isn’t so consuming after all. The Lord gives us “breathers.” Just like the picture above. Such a blessing.

A wildly busy friend of mine refers to them as “diamonds.” Little flashes of intimacy that make a huge difference. He related watching his oldest son walk an old, disabled woman across a busy street. Just an instant to stop and rest amidst the chaos or confusion. An intimate “diamond” for him during a stressful day. We only have to be aware. Have the confidence these are “sent” our way. If only, quietly… and many times imperceptibly.

But this is contrarian. Our humaneness pulls us in so many directions. Go go … go! Do this; do that! Finding those special moments when we can touch intimacy calls for a response opposite to how you’re feeling, what you might be dealing with currently. A “space between the notes” pause. Just being aware. Knowing this can make all the difference.

As my day unfolds, I’m trying be open to those moments when a few small “diamonds” might come my way. Like the day my dear friend gave me that beautiful, glittering pyramid. They can be a source of eternal energy too.
Intimacy