I always have a hard time when a coaching relationship comes to an end. As most do. Some only last a month. I have two that have lasted over fifteen years. A coaching process of mine that spanned almost three years ended last week. Let me tell you a little about it. One day while coaching a young pro here in the Southeast, he said to me, “Bob, there’s a guy I know who could really benefit by working with you.” “Ok”, I said. “Have him call me.” He did.

My first call with this prospect took place in a very awkward way. For some reason we had to talk the Friday after Thanksgiving in 2017. Huh? Yeah, that Friday. I was having lunch with my family in CT. Went out to my car to talk to this guy. Can’t remember why we had to talk at this time. But here’s what he said when we talked. “Something’s missing.” Now I’d heard from the person who referred him to me that this guy was stiff, hard to reach. Not much fun. A perfectionist. “Somethings missing” seemed to be opposite of how he’d been described. “Somethings missing.” was an unexpected reply to my usual question, “Why did you call?” I was intrigued.A month later I flew to meet with this young man. He was as described. A little tight. Donned a perfect appearance, drove a BMW convertible. Particularly apprehensive of meeting me. “Everything’s good!” … he said. You get the picture. What did we uncover. What was missing? The answer was, as is always the case … “it’s all about him.” There was a challenging family background, an awkward, ineffective relationship with his team. Sub par business results.

We had dinner my first night there with his wife. Saw their concern, frustration with this young pro’s struggles. She shed a few tears … saw some sadness She exclaimed, “He tries so hard!” What could we possibly accomplish together? How could I help? As always, I’m only as good as my material. The material here was good … very good. Turned out my coaching candidate was exceptionally open … coachable. His early childhood had impacted him significantly. His behaviors were for the most part fear driven. He didn’t let others see the real him. Came across as brittle. Lacking empathy.  A guy with all the answers … few questions. Gradually with some deep conversation, his tears, we began to uncover … why he was who he was? As we progressed, I watched this guy open up like a flower. He was ready to find what indeed was missing. Very disciplined, intentional he made himself more vulnerable. Worked hard to change his behaviors. Fundamentally alter who he had been for very long time. The real him had been missing. True authenticity would follow. The changes inspired him. Me too!

We spent time with his team. Learned a lot. They were wary of what this coaching was all about. “Our boss couldn’t change. Could he?” He did. He began reaching out to the members of his team. Shared some of his personal struggles with them. Became a better listener. Seemed to care more. Became a better leader! Wow! So good.As he changed a wonderful thing happened. This young leader’s team connected, came together like never before. The culture of the entire business moved from a bunch of individual parts to a more cohesive group. Performance improved. All got excited. A lot changed. Most of all how my great coachee viewed himself with more confidence. Way less packaged. Approachable. More his real self. The new him radiated throughout the organization.That young pro who referred him to me offered months ago, “I can’t believe the change in him.”After almost three years, this young man had reached a new level of self awareness. He loved himself more. His decision, commitment to change and grow had made all the difference. When this happens with one I coach … the outcomes, results of my work are always positive. 

As is the case with most of my engagements … this one came to an end. A satisfaction. But at the same time tinged with sadness. Like leaving a good friend. We shared a lot. He’d trusted me to “see” him maybe as no other person in his life had.

When coaching ends … moving on can be painful. I always remember past coachies. Check in with them periodically. How are they doing? Did what we worked on stick? Paarl of growth. There’s … and yes, mine too.

Thanks to this great guy, faith in himself, and his Lord, he is off and running. And in the process my life’s purpose as a coach is fulfilled. When this happens. When coaching ends, I always try to remember how important it is for me to give my thanks to Him for the gift of the opportunity to serve others.