“You know, I just don’t know how I can do this anymore.” Thus began a challenging conversation I had with a coachie recently. He told me the story about an argument he’d had with his wife.  It was over her inability to make decisions. Put things off until the last minute. “She’s just driving me nuts!”

It’s human nature. No one really likes conflict. Especially with a partner. In business. Personally. Like here with your spouse. We usually know what we want. We may not always know what we need. So we just live with the conflict. My coachie had to decide what he was going to do about the issues, his conflict with his wife.

We began our discussion. “Let’s ‘T Chart’ your relationship with Joan.” (Not her real name) That’s not him pictured above either!

Take a sheet of paper and draw a vertical line down the middle, top to bottom.

On the left side … make a list:

. Why you married … the day you met her.

·      All the things you know about her. 

·      All she does for you. 

·      Why you are with her today.

·      What you love about her, share together.

On the right side … list:

·      All the negatives … the gaps in your relationship.

·      Things that “bug” you.

·      Things you wish she would change.

He sat there and took … oh, about five minutes. In 90% of the cases, when one conducts this exercise, the right size dominates. His shoulders dropped. A smile came to his face. “Thanks.”

(The 10%? that don’t see more on the right than the left? More work to do)

At least 85% of all those who conducted this exercise? … 85% or of what they write down is always on on the right side. Perspective? The lens through which we see things is so determinant of the quality of out daily lives. “Grow weeds or flowers. The choice is yours.”

I offer, “When you look at this, weigh the pluses and the minuses.  Can you live with 85%?” In the face of many of the same frustrations with my wife? I’ve conducted this same exercise. 85%? I’ll take it … any day. Good enough for me too.

Try it …