We all at one time have had a challenging, uncomfortable, even toxic relationship with another person. A colleague at work. An old, difficult friend. Or yes, even a relative or spouse. You tough it out because you decide to. Or in some cases… you persevere because you feel you have to. Or just because your “supposed” to.I have a relative who frankly I can’t stand. But he was and still is in our family. Tough it out, Bob. He ain’t going to change. Then my coach asked me, “If he wasn’t your relative, would he be your friend?” … “No” I was taken back by my reply. But it was true. Someone less might say, “To heck with him, her… I’m outa here! I’m leaving!”

Well rather than leave someone… what if you could “leave” them instead. Not leave, cutting off all interaction, communication. Rather changing you, and the nature of how you see this person. How you respond when you interact with him. YOU can “leave” a relationship and stay. Remain connected. By changing the way you perceive this relationship. Confusing? Let me explain.My usual self talk about my relative was… What’s wrong with him? I can’t believe him… He’s such a pain in the a – -!” Well maybe. But if he’s that way? He probably won’t change. I could cut the relationship off. Just leave. Or I could “leave.” by changing me and my perspective toward him. The way I respond when I’m with him. So I stopped asking, “What’s wrong with him.” Rather I asked myself, “What happened to him.” To our relationship. What happened. Not what’s wrong.How did we get here? What might have happened to him… what was his personal history? What part do I, did I play in all this?

This thought process really matters. because we are all flawed. Been rejected. Had to work through challenging early relationships with a parent. Emotional wounds that are just as real as a gash on your arm. Just stuff that molds who we are… who we become. In distinctive, defining ways this happens to us all.

SURELY THINGS HAPPENED TO HIM. TO ME. These had to be acknowledged, taken into account. So, what’s the best way to “leave” someone:

• Embrace the fact that we are all God’s children. There is goodness in each one of us. Him.

• As contradictory as this may sound, l chose to love my crusty relative. That’s right. I reached out in love toward him. Because he was indeed as we all are a child of God. Who was I to judge him. I accepted him. With all his flaws… mine right there to.

• Amazingly when I did this, I watched him soften… our relationship flow away from the prickly interactions of the past.

    The chemistry remixed.If you believe as I do that the most powerful force on earth is our capacity to love, then this is an answer to so many of our challenges.Certainly “leaving” someone is one. But oh what wonders, rewards will follow if you do… as I did.