As a coach, I deal with the full range of human emotions… challenging situations we all find ourselves in at different times.“He does this.” “She does that.” “Why is this happening to me?”Always emotionally annoying. If not addressed, gradually intense. People don’t come to me until the problem is acute.

In most cases the person in front of me is reaching out. Imploring that the misbehavior stop. PLEASE! And this. “I respect you.” I’m so sorry we’ve gotten here.” “Please, I’ll promise I’ll do better.” “Oh oh, oh” PLEASE. “Just make this all go away.” It won’t.You see. You can “care take”… or “care for.” Care takers take the path of the pleaser. Least resistance. Many will simply deflect, avoid, say nothing. “If I make someone… everyone happy, everything will be alright.” This is an illusion. Pleasing… rarely works. Placating only results in no growth. Growth of those the pleaser tries to please and yes, the pleaser herself. So well intentioned a pleaser harkens on hoping… please! Everything will be Ok. “How do I make us all just… get along.” Never works.Those “care for” on the other hand see the need to deal in truth. “I better deal with this now.”… (attractively please. Anger rarely works either). Posture relaxed. Soft eyes. But measured counsel is preferred. “How’s that workin’ for you?” “You might want to let him/her know how you feel.” “Will you give me permission to share something with you that may be sensitive?” Permission first. Always a good Segway.“

This isn’t consistent with our value system.” Takes some grit to step in, but caring for wins… always. I’m not saying you weigh in on every issue. You pick your spots. After all, whether it be within the family or in business, or with a friend. You only have so much emotional capital in a relationship. But when your heart beats faster? Go.When one care takes? Ultimately, frustrations build. Interesting. Eventually if you please too much, your pleasees will resent the no growth that results… theirs. Resent you.The key here is… we all have to take responsibility. Responsibility. “What are your needs? Let me share mine. If we give each other what we both need, we will both get what we want.” Honesty… integrity. Oh sure. Be prepared when you “push back” sometimes, you’ll get resistance even rejection. It usually settles. Those we please get a glimpse of what’s right. I’ve had people, family members return days, weeks after a tough exchange. “Thanks. That was really helpful.” Growth.So the next time a sensitive issue hits your radar screen. You have the choice. “Care take.” or “Care for.” The kids on their phones at dinner… your spouse’s spending… that business colleague or a boss who’s driving you nuts.

Takes some courage, but choose to “care for.”It’s the most loving approach…Pleasing… Rarely Works.