In 2002…
1. It took an average of 12.5 minutes to download a song on a 56k modem, and it took 16 seconds for a web page to load.
2. Gas prices loomed around $1.50. The Dow was at 9200.
3. Tom Brady won the first of his seven Super Bowls

And 2002 saw the first of twenty consecutive, unique Fahey Cups take place at the Essex County Club, Manchester-by- the-Sea, MA. Here are some of us at Yale University celebrating Fahey XV in 2016. God only knows what this one will deliver. A more rambunctious, accomplished bunch you’ll never find.

I love this picture. It sits on a table in my office where I do my coaching. Pretty sophisticated group right? Underneath those pro like faces is more mischief, unquestionably without compare. During a session with a client of my clients he paused, stared at the picture and asked me,

“Who are those guys? Good looking bunch. Confident. Are they successful?

Here’s what follows …

Me, “They’re a special breed. From Wall Street stars to Episcopal priests. From corporate execs to entrepreneurs. Coaches, business owners. Yes, they are all successful in different ways. But I’ll tell you. If you knew them when they first got together? You’d have said, ‘These guys don’t have a prayer.’

Client, “Why are you all together? Who are they?”

Me, “Let me answer your first question. The above is #15 of twenty consecutive years college fraternity brothers of mine and I have gathered together. The ‘Fahey Cup.’ Is named after our irreverent frat cook, Ed Fahey. A Lincoln Tunnel… a twatta… the cleaver… serious dental work might be the things I most remember about the ‘Fabes.’ The stories are hilarious and even a little dangerous at the same time. .
But I’d like to focus more on your second question … who are they?”

“We’ve known one another for over fifty years.”
“We gathered first when we were in our mid 50s. We’re now in our mid 70s. We’ve laughed and laughed and now laugh even more. Our history is very rich. We’ve grieved together too. Eleven of our fellow brothers have died since we graduated. Some have lost spouses. Others have health issues.”

“But the fun dominates our time together. Stories. The party room at the House. The Bone, the Hogan, the C Cup. Our post party weekend awards. I let you use your own imagination re what these were. A yellow Corvette, a punch bowl, the Temptations and Baby Huey and the Babysitters. On and on…

“I can look any one of these guys in the eye and feel respected. And even though we only see one another three days a year? I feel supported and cared for even when we’re not together. There’s plenty of interaction, get togethers between our annual events. But we are always “connected” in spirit. It’s a great thing.”

Client, “What do you do when you gather each year?”

Me, “We’ve played some of the premier golf courses in America. Some play like they should be on the Tour. Others, should be given movie money before tee time.

We all have nicknames. Everyone from the Pussy to the Wrecker. From Turtle to Foxy. Even a Packaderm. Not a Belushi. But he’d fit right in. It’s amazing how much we remember after sixty plus years apart. Our four hour road trips are legendary. A beer or ten on the road. Picking up innocent young ladies at schools like Bennett and Briarcliff. Our college was all male. Most of the gals after an evening with one of us, “Mommy, you can’t believe how awful he was!” If you know what I mean.

All that said,  our time together has evolved. Golf and partying occupied early years. But we have become more comfortable putting the “cocktail talk” aside and share more meaningful stuff in recent years.

“While unspoken, we know we all are on ‘the back nine.’ We face different challenges today. Health issues primarily. We reach out and support one another whenever we can. I think most of my brothers would agree. It’s now all about the relationships. The friendships we’ve bonded over decades.

Client, “So where does your Fahey Cup go from here?”

Me, “Here’s what comes to my mind.”
“Some of the funerals for brothers who left us way too soon. I can picture a group of us filing into one memorial service. Recalling the time ten of us stood in a pew facing the widow of our deceased brother. Watching her tears of joy… just knowing we were there. Each time one of my brothers passes away, I sense the bonds between us strengthen. Certainly others will leave us. But the care, respect and closeness we share with one another will be one of the many gifts of Fahey. So the Fahey Cups will continue. Fewer may attend in the years ahead. May even be a foursome someday.

Client, “What has the Fahey Cup has meant to you personally?”

Me, “This experience has given me a lot.”
“First, as accomplished as we all are, each time we gather? Everyone comes authentically ‘just as they are.’ No airs, no look at mes… ‘mine’s bigger than yours’ stuff. Rather I find many spend more time interested in me than trying to be interesting themselves. Unusual today, wouldn’t you agree?
A gift.”

“Second, I’ve found two or three guys within our group who I’ve connected with more deeply. We have a ‘can tell ‘em all’ relationship. We’ll almost. From our victories to our defeats. From tackling the challenges of today to talking about where we’re headed next. I’ve found this to be the most meaningful thing Fahey has given me.
A gift.”

“Lastly, I know of no other group that shares the history, the fun and friendships we enjoy. This has been a great surprise. Never in 2002 would I have expected to be connected to these guys in this way for this long. I’ve loved knowing them, having them as such great friends for so long.”

There have been other conversations with clients, even family members triggered by this picture on my desk. They’ll too never really know what rogues we really are. All my brothers have busy, productive lives. But for a few days each Fall we put that all that aside to see and enjoy each other warmly as the wild and crazy, wonderful bunch we are.