“What’s wrong with me?” This is the question I’ve been asked most over the years I’ve been coaching. “What’s wrong with me?” “I have these issues I need to address. Why? Why me?” So, what’s wrong? Really nothing. What you discover about you, the issues we all face? All are grounded in our life experiences. Have evolved from … what happened … to each of us along the way. Aren’t grounded in what’s wrong with us!

Remember though … what happens has much to do with what’s right as what’s wrong. But it’s human nature to focus more on our faults … isn’t it. I’ve seen “a lot” … never “all of it.” Alcoholism; obsessive compulsive disorder; depression; poor self image; marital strife. Other challenges. But to move on from difficult times in our lives, we all need to first have the confidence we can overcome them.

John is 58. He has lived most of his life avoiding failure, most every day living with a need to survive. I’ve worked with him for years. Despite progress with behavioral change, improved relationship health, he is still unsure of himself. Hesitant in making decisions. Unsteady about taking risk. Expressed to me often … “What’s wrong with me? Why do I still feel this way?” I’ve always replied, “Look how far you’ve come. The growth and progress you’ve made.” To no avail. The hesitancy and uncertainty remained. Then the key question that unlocked the answer? “Tell me openly, John … What happened? When you were young. When you were growing up?” We did a meditation. Discovered that he had suppressed an experience that was at the root of his lack of confidence. His lack of self worth. Actually uncovered something that happened to him when he was a young boy. Something he had suppressed. Had been there for decades. Lodged in his subconscious. He could not recall what had happened. That is … not until it surfaced during meditation.

John had struggled in his relationship with his father. Not particularly successful himself, John’s dad had his own issues with self confidence, self worth. He pushed his son John hard. Expecting performance, behavior that set an incredibly high bar … standard. The underlying message? My son is not going to turn out like me! John got excellent grades in school, but not straight “A”s. He started on the football team, but he wasn’t the “star.” By most measures, John was a good but in his father’s eyes not perfect kid.

Good just wasn’t enough for his father. John had to be tamed. Driven to be more. “My son has problems that need fixing.” So … what happened to John? His father sent him to another school. A school for problem children. John at the age of thirteen had to leave his buddies at school. Say goodbye to his first girl friend. He was forced to attend what used to be called a reformatory … or “reform school” … a kind of penal institution for troubled children.The experience knocked him off his emotional bearings. He was forced to interacted with other teens who had real problems. Anger, isolation, confusion might best describe John’s response to the experience. Why had his father dealt with him so harshly? Sent him to this subpar school. “Something must be wrong with me.” No, John … this is what happened to you. Thankfully with work (as is the case with others who see this) John was able to gain a new perspective. Grasp the reality that the actual experience was different than his memory of the experience. If there was something wrong about John … the path forward would be much more intense. Much more complicated.

Happenings are much easier to deal with … even erase. But with work John was able to separate himself from the experience? Understand that what happened was not of his doing? He was able to embrace his new perspective. Nothing was wrong with him … it was what happened to him.

So think about your own life experience. Insecurities, lack of confidence? What happened? Try to remember those experiences … even moments that had particular impact on you. How you behave. I assure you. Just know. There’s so much right with you. Focus there. Happenings that have hurt will matter less.