Vulnerability and trust are kissin’ cousins. “I’ve shared this thought with those I coach for years. Putting yourself at risk … emotional risk. Being open. The most difficult risk to take in life? … the emotional risk. Showing others true challenging emotions. Need, hurt, sadness, failure. Most react with “Don’t do it.” Right? Whatever the feeling. Oh, and never show weakness. “Be strong!” “Suck it up.” “Hold those tears back.” Sissy! M. Scott Peck wrote a book decades ago, The Road Less Traveled. Can’t remember how many hundreds of thousands of copies were sold. But the book was transformational for me. ”Life is difficult”, Peck proffered in his introduction. We all must accept the fact that the journey of personal growth requires that we experience pain. Pain we experience from loss, failure, doubt … shame, embarrassment. And much more, Peck declared, “Surrendering” to these? Others will see us a soft, think we’re weak. On the contrary. One of the most important challenges we will ever face? The willingness to open ourselves to another. Expose ourselves emotionally. Be vulnerable.

I had a coaching session with a young man this week. A great young man. Very hard to get to. Early childhood issues had wounded him. He was so closed. Being vulnerable? The thought scared him to death. We proceeded.. I told him, “I have a few observations I’m going to share with you. I have no idea how they will affect you. They might seem accusatory. Judgmental in your mind. You may blow your stack. Even walk out. But here goes … “I blurted them out. This and that. Just threw stuff up against the wall.” Formality, structure? None. Tossed it … Time for vulnerability. Me and yes … him too. Didn’t matter be right or wrong. Just needed to express our real emotions. Vulnerably.

I’ve learned that in business, family, any relationship, creating new ideas, searching for solutions, possibilities only surface, when we make ourselves vulnerable. Just say it! What are your thoughts? Doesn’t matter how inane they might be. You feel they might be. Others may respond, “That’s crazy. Did you really say that?” I’m not implying you go on the attack. Fire hurtful things at another … in a group. But dream, create. Travel through the thoughts and feelings that are in your mind … on your heart that you ordinarily might hold back. I would suggest that start this begin with one person. A good friend. A family member. Maybe a trusted advisor, counselor or therapist.

A dear friend of mine sent me the piece below. Yesterday while I was writing this blog post. Coincidence? If you’ve followed my blog even a little bit, you’ll know I believe there are none.

Companion

Find a safe, trustworthy person and share your heart. Risk telling your story honestly. Share your questions, concerns, beliefs, hopes, longings, heartaches. And be a safe, trustworthy person. Love others by listening well. Weep with those who weep. Light up their life with your face of love.

I could not describe the essence, the gift of making yourself vulnerable any better.