In the movie the “Dream Girls” Beyoncé performs the song “Listen.” “With a song in my heart…🎶” she sings as she laments about a boyfriend who simply won’t listen to her.I learned a long time ago that I never learn anything while I’m talking.Lunch with a good friend last Monday confirmed this to me in spades.

He had just been “retired” from the company he had worked for… for 33 years. I was concerned as the Saturday before he had brushed it all off. “No big deal!” he said. In fact he had been separated from a career he had given so much to. Traveling 150k miles a year. Mostly by air … frequent day trips to the West Coast from the East Coast. Ugh! He had a big, well respected position with the organization.

Then one day? Gone. Thanks for your service.(This brought back memories of my “retirement” experience in 1997. In one day… gone the next.)He started talking. I had the urge to interrupt with my usual assumption I had something intelligent to offer. You know jump in and help him deal with his challenge. I knew what he needed. Me! “Let me tell you about my “retirement!” Very human.

But instead I decided to say nothing and open my ears a little further and really, really listen to what he had to say. In two hours? I said probably 50 words. It was more about me empathizing, feeling what he was going through. Not offering the sage advice I thought he needed… was expecting from me.I got a text from him 30 minutes after we departed he texted me. “Thanks, Bobby. You really helped me today.” All I did was listen … really listen.

Rather than offer a knowing head nod while thinking about what I was going to say next, I just opened space… and tried to listen with my heart. Empathize and care for a good friend who as it turned out really needed to vent. Talk to a trusted friend. My buddy ended his text with, “… you’re always good company. Thanks.”“… good company. ”I had just given my friend the gift of listening. It might be the loss of a loved one. A divorce. A problem child. All these times don’t need to prompt the question, “What should I say?”Rather try just being present … truly present. The gift of listening.