Chris Andersonn has coached me for over 20 years. He lives in California. I live in Georgia. We talk for an hour… hour and a half… every 10 days or so. By phone. We’ve met only twice and yet he is one of the most important people in my life.M. Scott Peck wrote a book over 40 years ago that I cherish to this day. The Road Less Travelled is an epic offering that starts with the premise… “Life is difficult.” Then Peck spends two to three hundred pages telling you why and what you can do about something we all know… Life IS difficult. Contentment is something we all desire.While talking to Chris last week I uncovered something new that I need to share with you. (Something new comes out of every phone call) Central to unwinding the difficulties, entanglements, and struggles in our lives is the concept of Taking Responsibility.

You/me accepting the reality that every event, every win, every loss, everything we experience is all about us… yes, you and me. The cause, the effect… everything. As l’ve stated before, my coaching is first about reaching clarity, defining the conflicts, challenges, frustrations we face. Once we define the issue, see it, acknowledge it. Only then with clarity can we decide what to do about it. Strife with another, confusion about personal growth (what’s next), despair, hopelessness, loss of a loved one, yearning to move on from a bad place to a good one. Such a variety of issues, circumstances. All these and more can be remedied or at least lessened by taking responsibility. Coaching is not an answer centered process. Truth? Most I coach are looking for a magic pill that will make their malady disappear, make the hurt go away. Fix it. But the solution never comes from me. It comes from each of them when they discover, accept that everything… everything in life is all about them … yes, you and me.Most conflict involves another person a team or a struggle within. Commonly a loss of confidence re how to move forward accompanies each challenge. Finding that silver bullet that will solve it all.

“He, she did this.” “They don’t get it.” “Can you believe this is happening to me.” “Why me!” Lament after lament. I respond with a comment that usually is a “show stopper”… “There’s nothing worse than being a victim. You sound like one right now.” Rather than pointing the finger at others, a circumstance that put you in a bad place. Stop. What did you do to get you to her? What happened you can learn from? Get clarity here. Then and only then should you search within yourself to uncover the solution that always comes from you… and me.We live in a world driven by “fix.” Get this app… just Google it.”Rarely do we take the time to thoroughly ponder a problem. Experience the value of checking in with ourselves to find a solution to where real answers are. Mental exercise, working our brain … vs reaching for the “pill” of an iPhone.

I’ve lived by the premise that problem solving is 80% about defining the problem… 20% about solving it.Soul searching is difficult. Almost a lost art today. Taking responsibility for our current circumstance turning inward vs outward is the answer to all. Yes for you and me too.