Catharsis … providing psychological relief through theopen expression of strong emotions.

This past week was a unique one for me. Cathartic… unexpectedly. It’s true… cathartic. What happened.I’ve mentioned in a previous posting my long time special gathering every year with twenty three of my fraternity brothers to golf, dine, share. For three days. We have become very close over time. Every year one of us is designated as the “Honoree”. Tells his story. 30 minutes or so to offer stuff we never knew about him… that might better define him for us.I was selected to be this year’s honoree … in my 34yr home town of Philadelphia.Because I love and trust these guys… each in different ways, I decided to unload it all. Five events in my seventy two years on earth that have defined who I am today. It was cathartic.

My purpose here is not to cover the particulars of the talk I gave last Wednesday. Rather I want to reflect on what happened afterward.You see … this required that I to take a huge emotional risk. Revealing deep personal reflections like these called on me… would call on anyone… to be vulnerable. As never before. Because I trusted my “brothers” so. All 23 of them. I gave it a shot. My talk… maybe a little to maudlin. Serious. Didn’t know how to do this in any other way.

What would their reaction be? My apprehension, anxiety before speaking was acute. We had always enjoyed all the “jabbing”, all the jokes. All the stuff we all had lived by. This was our common language. But you know… over our sixteen years together? I had watched our interactions change. Less surface stuff, more substance. Who would have guessed. So I took a shot.

My relationship with my Mom… career victories, defeats. An illness I had overcome. Passions… my purpose in life. All if it. Cathartic…Almost all my guys reached out with a hug… some with words through light tears. Certainly full tears from me. So generous in their responses. So accepting. Phew! This had been Ok. I love these guys even more for trusting… receiving my message so openly. So positively. I’d been right. We had all changed.

The clincher? An email from one brother the next day.

Hey Bricks,It was great seeing you and especially great to hear your story during Wednesday’s dinner.  I was particularly struck by how you mentioned picking up your mom after she finished re-hab as “meeting her for the first time.” That must have been an extraordinary experience. My version of that was watching my daughter deal with a particularly virulent form of bone cancer – from diagnosis at 11 through her passing at 13 – with courage, humor, optimism, and straight-ahead determination.  She definitely changed my life in so many positive ways, as I hope your mother did, once you got to really know her.Keep making a difference with all you meet.“

Meeting my mom…” did change me. This email from my “brother” changed me too. What a night. Lots of tears since. Cleansing I think. Cathartic for sure…Oh, what a night.