We are so polarized today aren’t we. Politics, relationships, what to have for dinner tonight. The flood of information, its’ speed of delivery has made us all “experts”… “Google it” has made us knowledgeable quickly on just about any subject. See how smart we’ve become? How smart I am. All this for the most part is helpful. Smart. But at the same time maybe not as healthy.

There’s a “blind spot” here. Our shift almost every day to “righteousness”… Simply, “I’m right your wrong.”It is fascinating to me as I coach friends through conflicted situations how black and white their opinions are. “I’m right, he/she/ they are flat wrong.” Take a conservative and a liberal. As committed, passionate she is about her side of things, so too is the other equally as vehement about hers. Ugh… welcome to gridlock. “I just wish those damn politicians could get along!!” Get something done!! Be careful. As the saying goes, “Don’t call the kettle black.”

Living in righteousness. An adolescent behavior that causes us to strain the truth, dig in deeply. Just to make our point. Show how right we are, how wrong the “other side” is. The media… oh my… the media!?

I have always coached that the best decisions are always about acceptance… not agreement. Until there is some softening of positions, resolution remains elusive. Take a labor negotiation within a union. Days in a room. “We’re not leaving here until we reach an agreement!” What happens most if not all the time. A compromise… ah theirs the grease, the antidote. Acceptance. A softening of positions… gridlock gone. At least ’til next time.I’ve been married for 46yrs. My wife has very strong opinions about lots of things. So do I. But if we had chosen to  live in righteousness, our relationship would never have lasted 46yrs. Nor would yours have. Ask a couple what the secret is to a long successful marriage? They will many times reply, “Oh, I we’ve had so many times when we’ve disagreed But we always seemed to compromise.

“Then there’s the concept of negative ego. Ego is fine with restraint. But in righteousness, entitlement it can be destructive. Remembering I am never better than another, only different helps me avoid negative ego.

So the next time you find yourself frustrated, angry about an opposing opinion… think about it. Try giving the other party a little of what you think they might need. You may find your way out of righteousness and actually get what you want.