I often have breakfast at the Ok Cafe. Great breakfast place near my home. I was with a “friend”of mine (I have no clients, only friends). He flew in for the day to conduct his annual planning session with me. A smiling waitress named Tia served us. (read her name badge). Wish more places would do this. Tia was adorned with a snappy pair of glasses. Very pretty, articulate. “Tia where are you from? “Here”, she smiled. “What are you doin’ here? Is this your only job?” “Well no, I model some, and I am one semester away from completing medical school. I’m going to be an orthopedic surgeon.” A few questions… I got her story.

I was enthralled! Waiting tables and loving it. Her smile told me so. A model (of course, you should have seen her)… studying to be a doctor? Her story. “So great, Tia.” Make no mistake. My friend pays me to coach him. But Tia was actually part of my coaching him that day. She had a story. An amazing one. Sure we could have eaten breakfast immersed in all the bus’ stuff. But this brief “space between our notes” was instructive. We made a small “heart” connection with our waitress. Could have eaten, dropped a couple of bucks and left. BTW the service and meal were five star. I tipped Tia 50%. “heart” and “head”… Hmm, here we go’

The lesson for my friend? “I want you to make sure you find those moments, opportunities in your life when you can reach out to others and hear their story. Everybody has one. Most times it opens your heart… a crucial blend you need with all the head stuff you process.” I was coaching him here. You see, my guys come to see me about the mechanics, metrics that will measure business progress. Ok, we do that. But they most importantly leave our day with a better sense of themselves… the things they need to revise, change about themselves as a person. They will return to work in their business better prepared to deal with the challenges, lead the growth of their team.

We all spend a lot of our time every day passing people by. The mailman, the guy caring for your lawn, a black man on the sidewalk. (more here later) Usually we make little eye contact. Hardly see them. As I offered in a prior message, we live more disconnected lives these days. Technology has deprived us of some human connection, personal touch. Continues to isolate us.

A few years ago Nancy and I began the practice of probing sensitively below the surface with those we come in contact with. Like I did with Tia. Casually or otherwise. My newspaper guy Al… what a story (see earlier post). A kid named Darren who was stacking beach chairs on Harbor Island, one of our favorite vacation places. Just making ends meet to support his wife and two children. Had a landscaping business. He had just completed the floral design on the golf course at Lyford Cay, a very high end resort and club in the Bahamas. “Wow! That was a big, prestigeous job!” Well, I’m pretty good at this, Mr Bob.” His story unfolded from there…

Back to the blackman on the side walk. My favorite surprise story of all. It happened while in Philadelphia. I was walking on Chestnut St. with Nanc, her sister and brother in law from CA. I had worn my treasured Pine Valley zip up. For three days! Logo prominent on my chest. Pine Valley is the #1 golf course in America located just outside the City. I’d played there recently. Was showing off. You know… putting on the dog. Surely someone would notice. This was Philadelphia! Not a bite. Then while walking on Chestnut, I was approached by a black man. Not particularly well dressed or well spoken. Eyes wide he said, “Oh wow… YOU played Pine Valley.” A bite… but from an awkward source? He immediately saw the doubt, even a little fear in my eyes? He said, “Great golf course, huh.” I said to myself, “Huh?” Who’s is this guy? Not many African Americans on the street will play Pine Valley. So I played along as we walked together down the sidewalk. I queried, “Remember #5?” He jumped right in. “Yeah, 230yrs long to a postage stamp sized green… toughest hole on the course. I made bogie. “How about #7?” He was right on it. “Hells Half Acre”… not as tough as it looks… made a par. This guy was authentic. I chuckled… mostly to myself. We parted. Imagined what his story was. Left him with more accepting gaze… even a “fist pump”… What was his story? Only a brief two minute exchange. But if I’d had to chance to hear more I bet his story would have been fascinating too.