… until the Tide goes out. This is a phrase I’ve used numerous times when deflection, confusion, untruths surface… abound. In a marriage, a business deal, with ourselves. Obama (sorry had to)… the blue dress… Pete Rose. Until your drain all the deception, fluff, get to real motives in the situation at hand…the “tide” will drown the truth. You’ll never know who’s swimming naked until the Tide goes out.

We’re only human. All flawed.I recently conducted individual coaching sessions with two wonderful people. Both wrapped in integrity, making lots of money, have great families. Both were confused, frustrated (angry actually) about their circumstances. This person was doing this, that guy was doing this… “Can you believe I’m putting up with this stuff?!” Well yeah… you are!I listened intently, learn nothing when I don’t. To their lament, their playing victim here. “What if I told you that everything, everything you have shared with me here is all about you.” Each gave me that familiar, incredulous look, “What do ya mean?

“Well, you never see your truth until let “the tide go out.” see the your conflict clearly. Your concerns, issues will be addressed when you accept your situation in truth. What you decide… how you will face reality. You’re never going to change your circumstances. But you can change your perspective, your response to them. You can take responsibility for your circumstances.

Years ago I had a very toxic relationship with a business partner. He was driving me nuts. Controlling, dismissive of my opinions, his ego was off the chart. My stomach churned just being in a room with him. I complained, bit my fingernails . I was just so tired of it. The reality? This was all about me. My unwillingness, fear really of letting the “tide go out.” Face the truth, Bob! I couldn’t change one molecule in his body. But I could change my behavior. Change the painful dynamic between us. Get “naked” to the truth. This would not change until I changed. So, I took some time to think about how I would share my truth with him… as attractively, as effectively as possible. I did. After a number of long talks I realized our partnership would not work. We split. The best outcome? Probably.

But so far better than living in the mess if our partnership continued. Most of these conflicts are resolvable. Mine was not.

Again there are simply times we need to acknowledge that the truth will only be clear to you when you get clear with you. You, your behavior, your decision to face your fears… your bravely facing you. When you change you, watch your circumstance change in response.You never know who’s swimming naked until the tide goes out…