Ebenezer Scrooge. Shows up every Christmas. Stooped over… grimaced face… angry, oh so angry. A life of greed, contempt, unhappiness. Even hate. He’s familiar to us.In truth we all have a little “Scrooge” in us, don’t we. I call this the burden of the sandbags. No, not the bags of sand you find building levies, mixed in cement, in a child’s sandbox.

These are the emotional “sandbags” we place lightly, or heavily on our shoulders. Those judgments we make, grudges we hold, acts of pettiness we regret. Sometimes subtle, other times painful. But rarely helpful, never healthy. A family feud, a lost friend, something we cannot forgive ourselves for. These weigh us down emotionally, even physically. Remember those small, painful steps of Mr Scrooge.

If forgiveness is the key to unloading emotional sandbags. It is. And forgiving is more for me than the person I forgive. It is. Then what’s the problem? Well, I often find myself caught in the trap of “righteousness”… he/she’s wrong… dammit I’m right. Ego, stubbornness, just plain ole holding onto negativity. Gripping that sandbag. Here’s where I have a choice. Do I want to be right? Or do I want to be effective?An acquaintance told me at lunch one day that a good friend of mine had said something hurtful, even sickening about me in front of a group at dinner one evening. Hmm… right then I was more pissed off than hurt. Slowly… the hurt took over. But I try to always remember, a “triangle” can be venomous. “Triangle”? A conversation between two people or more usually negative about another person not present. In the translation of what’s said, the third person (my acquaintance) may misstate the message to me. This turned out to be the case here. “Ok, Bob. Time to load this sandbag on your neck? Stew, amplify the pain, imagine how your friend has always felt ill about you? Beat yourself up?”NO!

I don’t do this any more. Used to! I called my friend right away and rather than accuse him out of the box, I wished him a Merry Christmas, how were the kids, what was his family doing over the holidays? Then calmly, “Hey, I heard from someone the other day… ” He exclaimed, “OMG! That is so untrue! (later verified by my embarrassed acquaintance). I would never… ” Issue resolved sandbag gone.As I said emotional “sandbags” can be subtle. Accumulate, weigh us down. Most times unnecessarily. It’s takes some guts, but resolving personal conflicts early usually results in you nourishing your relationships. Not draining them.

We all have some Scrooges in our lives. Like Scrooge they project it, live their lives this way… carry their bags emotionally, physically every day… and even drag us down.What a wonderful time of year to shed our sandbags. Go into 2017 standing tall, not stooped emotionally. Resolve our differences, conflicts with others, large or small. Give yourself a gift, and to the others you love and care for as well.